I am so grateful that they were able to collect an egg today at my EPU.
As everyone keeps reminding me, it only takes one.
Fingers crossed now that it fertilises!
Gratitude: finding happiness amongst the mundane
Today I am finding it hard to be grateful after crying so many tears, but I am grateful I still have some hope in my heart.
I spent the morning fasting and being prepped for day surgery; today was my egg collection day for IVF round number 3. Everything was the same familiar routine right up until I came out of anaesthetic. A nurse leaned in close before I had a chance to look for the texta number on my hand; the one they write the number of eggs collected. It felt just like a hazy bad dream when she said ‘I’m so sorry sweetie – they weren’t able to collect any eggs today’, and the tears started to flow.
All those injections for nothing. All the time off work for nothing. All those thousands of dollars spent for nothing. All my emotions invested for nothing.
I feel so empty.
Empty of everything except hope. By some cruel twist of fate hope survives, and it sings its tune from within the recesses of my broken heart, and I know ill be putting myself through all this again. That glimmer of hope shining from within is the only thing reminding me of the person I was yesterday.
Today I am incredibly grateful for my dreams. My day was challenging right off the bat starting with a session of Accupuncture, followed by a blood test, followed by a trans-vaginal ultrasound. By the time I arrived at work I was feeling pretty violated!
I had my trigger injection tonight so it was my last jab until I go into day surgery on Friday for my egg collection. Fingers crossed this is it!
My dream of becoming a mum keeps me focussed on the end goal and helps me forget all the unpleasantness along the way.