Today I am grateful for my snuggle bear, Madison. He’s 84 cat years old and I found him curled up dreaming this afternoon.
He’s so beautiful ❤
Gratitude: finding happiness amongst the mundane
Today I am finding it hard to be grateful after crying so many tears, but I am grateful I still have some hope in my heart.
I spent the morning fasting and being prepped for day surgery; today was my egg collection day for IVF round number 3. Everything was the same familiar routine right up until I came out of anaesthetic. A nurse leaned in close before I had a chance to look for the texta number on my hand; the one they write the number of eggs collected. It felt just like a hazy bad dream when she said ‘I’m so sorry sweetie – they weren’t able to collect any eggs today’, and the tears started to flow.
All those injections for nothing. All the time off work for nothing. All those thousands of dollars spent for nothing. All my emotions invested for nothing.
I feel so empty.
Empty of everything except hope. By some cruel twist of fate hope survives, and it sings its tune from within the recesses of my broken heart, and I know ill be putting myself through all this again. That glimmer of hope shining from within is the only thing reminding me of the person I was yesterday.
Today I am grateful for resilience, because today was a pretty shitty day. I could list all the crappy things that happened, but there’s two that really upset me the most.
I had my hair appointment this evening with my longtime hairdresser who does amazing things with my hair. I went in with copper hair and said I’m after something lighter and closer to my natural strawberry blonde. She says ‘no problem’. I came home a deep plum colour. I’m still not quite sure what went wrong?!
But the really devastating part of today is that I’ve misplaced my Kindle 😦 Im so upset about it. It’s been gone for 24hrs now. We’ve searched high and low and it just doesn’t seem to want to be found. I’m so careful with my belongings usually that this is totally out if character for me, and it’s distressing me more than a lost book should. I’m in the middle of reading ‘The Colour Purple’ too, which I don’t have in my bookcase to continue on with either. Damn!
So, I’m giving up the search and going to bed while hoping to tap into my hidden reserve of resilience that I know is in there somewhere. I’m trying hard to have faith that it’ll turn up tomorrow.
Today I am incredibly grateful for my dreams. My day was challenging right off the bat starting with a session of Accupuncture, followed by a blood test, followed by a trans-vaginal ultrasound. By the time I arrived at work I was feeling pretty violated!
I had my trigger injection tonight so it was my last jab until I go into day surgery on Friday for my egg collection. Fingers crossed this is it!
My dream of becoming a mum keeps me focussed on the end goal and helps me forget all the unpleasantness along the way.
Today I am grateful for my wonderfully creative friend Paige who has made me the most gorgeous 1920s themed thank you cards for my 40th birthday guests.
I was so impressed with her invitations; she was able to create exactly the vision I had in my head, and she made it all so easy for me. Funnily enough I had the same experience with the thank you cards too! I can’t recommend her highly enough, and my guests LOVED my invites.
She really is a creative genius when it comes to custom cards and invitations, wedding stationary, and inspirational manifestos.
Check her out at: http://www.facebook.com/cardsbypaige/
Today I am grateful for all the lessons I’ve learned in life so far. As I’ve aged it’s become much easier to maintain a harmonious balance without unnecessary tension and drama.
My past hasn’t exactly been easy, but I wouldn’t trade it for the world. I’m a big believer that we are simply the product of our collective experiences. My experiences have shaped me and moulded me into who I am, and although I’m a work in progress, I love how I am turning out so far.
We come into this world alone and we leave it alone. We alone must decide if we've led a full and happy life.
Today I am grateful for frozen pizza. Neither one of us felt like cooking or going out so it was a case of Dr O to the rescue.
*A ‘Dr O’ is the affectionate name bestowed upon a pepperoni pizza by Dr Oetker in our house, and it has a perfect crispy base pizza.
Today I am grateful for my belly fat. Yes, you read that right. I’m glad I have a bit of extra padding around the middle; my muffin top; my spare tyre; my donut; my love handles. Whatever you want to call it, I’m glad it’s there.
I’ve been putting so many needles in it lately that I’ve filled a sharps container already this month and I’m onto my second one, and that’s without including Accupuncture needles! When I started IVF treatment I really sucked at injecting myself; I would leave these massive bruises that would hurt for days. Now that I’m on my third cycle Im pleased to say Ive improved somewhat 😉
Thank goodness for my bit of belly fat. It gives me plenty of room to choose a new spot every single day.